vendredi 24 août 2018

The way I liked to work.

Having found out that I have difficulties to fit  a standard carreer profile  I have to consider in which way I might be useful in a corporation.

-- I have a lot of problems with my memory. I can't learn anything. I can spend hours trying to learn a list of vocabulary and fail. It has been a problem during my  scholarship. But I have been said that I have an "analitic memory". I don't know exactly what it means or if it is really true. I don't know in which situation it is useful. In two occasions I  have taken some tests and I had to do them again.  I don't know why, perhaps it was normal. (CELOP Boston),3 days French Army). In some occasion people have spocken about special skills. Is it true ? Was I concerned?

-- I have the inner belief that I can't compete with people having standard qualities. The one required by getting a university diploma. If I try to fight on the same playground I would surely fail. So I have to find a way to be useful in my own way. Thereis no garanty of success, asking for a high salary would be very risky and I would prefer a low salary but a high reward in case of success.

-- I find it difficult to have to cover each move I do. I have difficulties to trust the people I work with. I am not pleased at all when I am teased at work. I feel unsecure and this  is why I like to be alone. But I need contact with people the same as others. I like for exemple walking in area crowed with tourists. I like being with people taking holidays. I like to watch women and dream to have intercourse more often  with them. They are my preference. But I stay away from them, this is my choice. Having got families reponsabilities in my situation could have been a mess for everybody including me. At work when working as a programmer  and even now I have several time needed to search for a safe place where I could  protect myself from harassement.

-- The lack of self confidence, and the mistrust in people I work with can lead to a "killer"  attitude that I know is often counter-productive at work . I doubt  I can overcome it easily. This is why I prefer to cope with my own mistrust staying alone. I hope I don't kill myself, this not a necessity!


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